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The Inner Struggle

Writer's picture: John YoungJohn Young

And about the ninth hour Jesus cried out with a loud voice, saying, “Eli, Eli, lama sabachthani?” that is to say, “My God, My God, why hast Thou forsaken Me?” Matthew 27:46


For the past fifteen years, I’ve been on a personal journey—not chasing houses, cars, or material possessions, because things come and go. But to truly align myself with the Word of God, I had to move beyond the physical.


We often speak of the nails in Jesus' hands, the nails in His feet, the crown of thorns upon His head, the spear in His side, and the blood that flowed from His body. We focus on the suffering of Christ in a physical sense. Yet in this particular passage, we’re dealing with something deeper—emotion.


The struggle between the inner man and the outer man. And I wonder if you can be honest enough to admit that you, too, have wrestled with what’s going on inside while battling the pressures of the outside. If you haven’t, just keep living. Because as Scripture says, "Man that is born of a woman is of few days and full of trouble." And it's not y’all have sinned—it’s all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God.


I won’t lie to you—sometimes I struggle. Yeah, I struggle. As a single man, I struggle. As a man of the cloth, but also a man in the flesh, I struggle. Some days I stand as a pastor, and other days, I fight the urge to let my emotions take over. And I know I’m not alone. Because even Jesus dealt with this—this deep, internal struggle—ever since the beginning of His ministry.


When He first preached, He stood in the synagogue, opened the scroll, and declared, "The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because He has anointed me to preach the gospel to the poor, to proclaim liberty to the captives, recovery of sight to the blind..." And the people were fine with Him—until.


That until is important. Because people will cheer for you, pat you on the back, and support you—as long as you fit within their expectations. But the moment you step outside of their box, the moment you challenge their way of thinking, things change.


Even the religious leaders of the time turned against Jesus. They tried to trap Him, bringing before Him a woman caught in adultery, demanding a judgment. But Jesus, in His wisdom, simply responded, "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone."


People will stand with you—until.


Jesus knew betrayal firsthand. He sat with His disciples and said, "One of you will betray me. Another will deny me three times before the rooster crows." He understood what it was like to have people walk with Him one day and disappear the next.


And if you’ve ever been in leadership, you know this feeling all too well. “Pastor, I got your back.” “Pastor, I’m with you.” Until trouble comes. Then suddenly, you’re alone like cockroahes scatter when you turn on the light.


Jesus, in His deepest moment of anguish, prayed in the Garden of Gethsemane, "Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me." Have you ever been so tired, so hurt by the lies, the betrayal, the abandonment, that you wanted to ask God, "Please, take this from me."? And yet, Jesus prayed through it.


I wonder if you know what it means to experience not just physical pain, but spiritual pain. The kind that weighs on your heart, that keeps you up at night. When you’ve done everything you were supposed to do—you prayed, you fasted, you served, you sacrificed—and yet, it feels like God is silent.


On the cross, Jesus didn’t say "Our Father, who art in heaven." No, He cried out, "My God, my God, why have You forsaken me?" There’s a difference between calling Him Father and calling Him God. It’s one thing to know Him intimately as a Father, but in a moment of pain, Jesus steps back and calls Him God. Have you ever felt like that? Like you’ve done everything right, but everything is still going wrong? Like you know God is omnipresent, yet in this moment, you feel abandoned?


And what do you do then? You pray yourself through it. Sometimes, it’s not about God changing the situation—it’s about God changing you.


Jesus kept praying until He got an epiphany, until the revelation came: Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning. And suddenly, He understood—this pain wasn’t the end.


Yes, the nails had broken His bones, yes, the pain was excruciating, yes, His body was failing—but the greatest agony wasn’t in His flesh; it was in His spirit. And if there’s you need to get past the pain in their spirit... Always remember:

To be absent in the body is to be present with the Lord.



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